Jesus was a Robot

Driving with friends the other day, we saw a sign outside a house advertising an art exhibition. You can't just drive past that, so we stopped and went inside. There was a young man seated outside the screen door who responded to our greetings by merely opening it for us, and resuming his seat. Inside, the house was empty and paintings covered the walls. They were mostly glossy enamel, bright colours, lacking any depth, almost childish in execution; the subject matter was a surreal jumble of outer space, UFO, and Christian imagery. Inside there was a small Chinese man carrying wine in plastic glasses on a tray; on a table rested celery and carrot sticks, untouched. An older man with a grey ponytail fretted in the kitchen; he was obviously the artist. There were some sculptures, too; probably the best was a television covered in theatrical masks and circuitboards, sprayed with glossy gold paint. Anyway, to give an idea of the atmosphere in the place, here's the ARTIST'S STATEMENT we picked up, freshly printed in faded ink and stapled together. The spelling and grammatical errors are reproduced verbatim. The 'Book of 7 Seals' sculpture referred to consisted of a small table, cushion on which to kneel, and Bible. The Bible was on the table; on the cover was written in fractured handwriting, with red paint, a biblical sounding quote that nevertheless I suspect was invented by the artist.

ARTIST'S STATEMENT I am an artist who wishes to update Christian Art to the 21st Century and to make art that keeps up with technological and scientific advancement. As in the past with artists were limited in the knowledge of heaven and what even man can do. Yet, God is omnipotent, therefore, why can't God have technology too? As an omnipotent creature would have even technology, way beyond what I could imagine. Therefore, I have replaced the winged angels of the past, with angels of the 21st century. The only difference with my versions angels, they have wings that have different shapes and use of technology to make them Fly. As God created many spices [this presumably should be species –Brad] on Earth, He also did in heaven. The use of spacecraft in my work is for no other reason than to update the medieval descriptions of angels. The 'Book of 7 Seals' is a sculpture that is meant to touch the soul of every person who looks upon it. I am not saying that God told me to make this piece, as I did not hear any voice. But, I did make it in a dream; therefore I made it in reality. As most of my work is painted from dreams, I believe this is God's way of wanting me to make this piece. I am not Noah, who was told to build the ark. I am just an artist whom God wants to touch your soul. These are my seeds and I hope they grow as big as a mustard tree. With my sculpture, I have tried to move away from the norm and just experiment with my sculptures, as I am a pure artist. As far as it is art, whether it is painting a painting, crafting a sculpture or simply making a film, I know that my art is good. I am a tradesman in this field and I deserve to be paid for my work. So, please feel free to empty your wallets (or purse!) as most of you get paid once a week, I only get paid once every two years.

So I can hear you asking —just how much does he deserve to get paid? The average price in the catalogue was several thousand dollars; several pieces, though, were listed at $200,000. No kidding. Anyone want to chip in?